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Beyond Pronatalism
Finding fulfillment, with or without kids
To have or not have kids is one of the biggest decisions we make in our lives, and yet how many of us know that we even have a choice about how we define and create our families? Beyond Pronatalism host Nandita Bajaj interviews women and men from diverse backgrounds who are courageously and creatively navigating pronatalism - the powerful pressures to have children - whether from family, friends, or the culture at large. Through intimate conversations, they discuss how they are forging unconventional pathways to fulfillment, including redefining what family means to them - whether that means being childfree or childless, having biological children, adopting or fostering children or animals, or creating close-knit communities of friends and loved ones.
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Episodes
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Diana | Motherhood Beyond Patriarchy
Raised in the Soviet Union, Diana’s professional ambition was constantly undermined by her parents' unrelenting pressures for grandchildren. Feeling angry and betrayed, she created a multi-media project about regretful mothers. An accidental pregnancy followed by a miscarriage made her realize that it wasn't motherhood that she resisted, but rather the coercive pronatalist pressures. Today, she and her husband are joyfully raising their son with egalitarian values and shared care work, beyond patriarchy.
Christine | More than Childless or Childfree
Christine grew up in a rural community in midwestern U.S., fearing teen pregnancy and sensing early on that motherhood didn’t appeal to her - as she longed to broaden her horizons through education and travel. After an abusive marriage and a long, difficult divorce, she felt both relief that she hadn’t become a parent in that relationship and grief that the choice was no longer hers. Today, Christine feels gratitude that she didn’t bring a child into a devastated world and acceptance of her nonlinear lifepath.
Lucy | Thriving Solo
Growing up Lucy assumed she’d follow the traditional path of marriage and motherhood but, as she grew older, she found herself increasingly questioning the dominant cultural script. Despite a brief period of intense broodiness, she realized that the single, childfree life gave her the freedom, peace, and purpose that she craved. Today, through her Thrive Solo podcast and book, Lucy empowers others to reject pronatalist expectations and embrace happiness on their own terms.
Pamela | Surviving the Trauma of IVF
Distraught by her infertility diagnosis, Pamela pursued the IVF pathway. A decade of costly and painful failed treatments left Pamela traumatized. Determined to expose the exploitative and dangerously pronatalist practices of the highly unregulated multi-billion dollar fertility industry and to bring together other IVF survivors, she founded the “silent sorority” community and the ReproTechTruths website. Today, she and her husband lead deeply fulfilled lives pursuing their many passions.
Mandy | Ending a Bad Arranged Marriage
Mandy, a Singaporean teacher of Indian descent, entered an arranged marriage where her decision to remain childfree was first accepted but later challenged by her Indian husband and in-laws. Pressured to have children and provide a dowry, she risked the stigma of divorce rather than compromise her values. Today, Mandy lives happily childfree, courageously embracing a life true to her authentic self.
Rebecca | Sisters as Chosen Life Partners
Rebecca grew up homeschooled in a patriarchal American family, later serving as a Marine, attending university, and traveling the world. Bound by the shared trauma and values of their upbringing, Rebecca remained very close to her sister. Awakening to feminism and the planetary crisis together, they both decided to not have children. Today, Rebecca and her sister live together as each other's chosen life partners surrounded by mutual security, comfort, love, and trust.
Sneha | Standing up to Patriarchy
Raised in a conservative Indian family, Sneha knew from an early age that they didn't want to have a biological child. As a teen they discovered her queer identity, and in their twenties Sneha made the difficult but liberating decision to leave their parents’ house and hometown. Sneha has rejected the patriarchal expectations of procreation and marriage and embraced their own path - filled with strong friendships, family, and companion animals.
Elena | Reimagining Family After Cancer
At age 27 Elena is diagnosed with an advanced cancerous brain tumor. As she confronts this life-changing and grief-filled reality, she also wrestles with the question of whether to bring a child into the world - balancing her love for children and the future she once imagined against her understanding of ecological overshoot, pronatalist pressures, and the profound uncertainties of life itself.
Pip | The Joyful Simplicity of Being Single
From a very early age Pip sensed she didn’t want children, and a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure at 15 confirmed that path. As she grew older, Pip found herself desperately searching for the perfect partner to complete her. A chance conversation blew open the door regarding societal expectations around relationships, sex, and conventional measures of success. Childfree, single, and celibate, Pip lives an independent, authentic, and joyful life with her family of two rescue dogs.
Joe | Every Earthling is My Family
Growing up in rural England, Joe knew early in life that he didn’t want children and felt a deep connection to the natural world. While navigating pressures to conform to “normal” life, he lost that connection in his 20s. Now, alongside his partner, he’s built a purposeful life rooted in love for nonhuman life — founding and managing an ecocentric journal and working to protect biodiversity in his local habitat.
Sonia and Aamer | A Conscious “One & Done” Choice
Originally from Pakistan and now based in Canada, Sonia and Aamer met as adults. They decided together that they wanted to become parents, but were also deeply concerned about the environment. After spending a few years carefully weighing their emotional and financial readiness, environmental values, and desire for parenthood, they chose to have one child. Right after the birth of their son, they knew that their family of five, including two rescue dogs, was complete.
Jennifer | From Divorce to Self-Discovery
After nearly becoming a mother in a marriage that wasn’t right, Jennifer shares how divorce and a commitment to self-definition became her path to clarity. Starting over has been emotionally wrenching, but she's forging her own path of deep friendship, meaningful community service, and dedication to authentically being herself.
Kat | A Black Feminist Upbringing
Raised in a Black feminist family of highly educated women committed to service, Kat Calvin grew up without the pressure to marry or have children. Single and childfree, Kat channels her time and energy into projects that make a difference - building a life of purpose, freedom, and joy.
Paddy | Joyfully Rejecting the System
Paddy’s emotionally-detached boarding school upbringing left him distrustful of authority, including the unspoken expectation to have children. A growing awareness of ecological and social crises and the desire to break a cycle of generational family trauma led him to choose a vasectomy. Today, he and his wife enjoy a joyful childfree life while standing up to oppressive systems.
Luke and Stefanie | The Simple Joys of a Childfree Life
Luke and Stefanie reflect on how, free from strong family or religious pressure and true to their own desires, they were able to make an early, mutual decision to live childfree. They reflect on the enormous emotional weight they've seen parents carry and express a profound relief and gratitude that they can enjoy meaningful, well-lived, childfree lives in kinship with the natural world.
Elizabet | Confessions of a Regretful Mother
Elizabet, the daughter of Bulgarian immigrants in the Czech Republic, shares her experience of coming out as gay in her teens and raising a child alone. She now speaks openly about her parental regret, rooted in her worry for both her child's future and her deep love for the natural world and concern for its destruction.
Chetana | The Gift of Biological Childlessness
A childhood illness leaves Chetana unable to give birth. After enduring the pronatalist shame of biological childlessness for many years, she reflects on the possibilities this opened up for her, and how many women are denied those possibilities by pronatalism.
Bob | An Adoptee’s Journey of Self-Discovery
Born to a barmaid and adopted into a Southern Baptist home at the age of 6, Bob struggled with forming attachments. At 74, Bob reflects on the unconventional pathway his life took and what it took to find himself.
Jane | An OB-GYN on the Lack of True Choice
Jane went into obstetrics and gynecology after her own terrifying pregnancy experience. Now a fulfilled single mother of two, she shares her observations on the pressures women experience to have children, on the ethics of having children amid global ecological crisis, and on her own fight against the pronatalism of her profession.
Mariko | Mixed-Race and Childfree
Raised by a Japanese father and a German mother in two contrasting cultural settings, Mariko always had the alienating sense of not quite fitting in. To spare their children the same unease, and to follow their personal life passions, she and her partner choose the childfree path.
Episodes will be released every two weeks, beginning Tuesday, July 30 2024, and will be available on Apple podcasts, Spotify, and all podcast platforms.
Producer and Host: Nandita Bajaj
Production Team: Josh Wild, Alan Ware
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